The Legend of Ol' Painty Pants and The Wallpaper That Wouldn't Die

(Picture me as a country storyteller. Or not. This D&D-looking dude was the best thing I could find. Looks like me in a few years, right?)

*Sits back on rocking chair with a pipe*
Yup, I got a tale to tell ya... back in aught-nine... or was it the waning days of '10? My old brain gets so frazzled these days, ya know. Anyway, as I said, I have a tale to tell ya. Round these here parts, there was a woman who could paint like the wind. Went by the name of Avy. Six foot tall if she was an inch, shock of black hair sprouting from her noggin, and, by golly, could she paint... Some of the locals 'round The Old Serpico place got to callin' her 'Ol Painty Pants.

So yeah. We managed to get some painting done. Finally.

Let's start with the "oops" paint. We wanted the living room to have a warmish, sorta inviting vibe without going with too dark of a color. We had originally chosen a caramel color, but, at the last minute, we opted for a waffle color and bought two cans based on the color chip we found in Home Depot. We dropped the cans and supplies off at the house one evening last week, and Avy stopped in the next day to throw it onto the walls. She paints quickly, and she soon noticed something about the color... on the wall, it did not look like a waffle. It looked like a peach.



Now, I'm not saying it looked bad or anything, but it became obvious that this peachy color wouldn't easily mesh with our big red rug and other decor. Sadly, there was no choice but to abandon the peachy waffle action and look for something a little less fruity.

We went back to the store and came back with two cans of a darkish taupe color.

**Warning to heterosexual male readers: I mentioned "taupe" and "peach" in the same post. I'm also bound to mention "mauve" and "magenta" eventually. You may need to hunt a lion, drink brandy or get into a bar fight very shortly if you're concerned about maintaining your machismo levels. I, on the other hand, am required (by physician's orders) to offload my machismo levels on a regular basis, lest I spontaneously combust from sheer masculinity. It's my cross to bear.**

The darker color works. Check it out.


The lighting is different for this photo, so you can't see the color exactly, but take my word for it--it's better. The color is mellow and lacking in the peachy quality that made the room feel a little too much like a beach house.

Here's a little more of the living room...


As you can see, we painted into the evening. Ol' Painty Pants amped things up and really got the living room looking nice.

So, let's talk about that wall... you know, the one that had the mirror on it? The one that had the wallpaper under the mirror? That wall.




Well, after looking into things a little more deeply, I found a product called Piranha Wallpaper Remover.

Is it awesome? Kind of. I didn't buy the little kit--I bought the "wall-chewer" thing and a spray bottle of the gel wallpaper remover stuff. I already had scrapers. So, while Avy... (erm, Ol' Painty Pants) was doing her thing, I went after the wallpaper. The "wall-chewer" thing made horrible squeals when dragged across the surface of the wall (perhaps to scare away the old paste?), but it also made a lot of little holes in the wallpaper, which allowed the gel stuff to work its magic.

After a little time with the gel and a scraper, I had this...

Better, right? Yes. Better, but not all better. Some of the wallpaper was incredibly stubborn, especially in the areas where the folks who installed the giant mirror used some kind of ludicrous adhesive for the foam padding behind the mirror. Nasty. The upper parts of the wall were highly unpleasant--hurts the arms quite a bit to have them over one's head for so long. Ow.

Around this point, Avy and I ate some dinner and hit the sack... erm... air mattress. Tell you what--a nice air mattress isn't a terrible thing to own. We got a good night's sleep and picked up Kenny (Painty Pants Jr.) the next morning. With his help (and a lot more spraying and scraping), we had this...
Even better, but still not ready to paint. Nope. All those little chunks of old adhesive just didn't want to leave the house. Kenny and I attacked the wall with sponges and water, and that did the trick.


Yes! Finally, something suitable for painting. And paint we did.


Ah. Much better. After another coat, we called that wall done. Big improvement, I thinks.

But the trim... oh, the trim. This is where I get to use the word "mauve." We're re-painting all of Mrs. Serpico's mauve trim with a color called "toasted white." We think it looks pretty kick-ass against the taupe.

To use an interior design expression (and lose more machismo), the toasted white "pops" against the taupe. Wow. There's a sentence not usually uttered while butchering deer, huh?

So, onto the dining room..

OK, we decided we wanted the dining room to look very elegant and rich, so we chose a very deep burgundy color for the part of the wall above the chair rail, with the same toasted white for the lower part of the wall and the trim. The guy who made the color for me said the formula starts with magenta and then adds plain old red to the mix.

I had a little fun with the paint when we first started. It really looked like a bucket of blood when I opened the first can.

"Danny isn't here, Mrs. Serpico..."

Know what sucks about deep red paint (and red in general)? It doesn't cover well. I mean... it just doesn't cover well at all. You need a lot of coats. A lot. After two coats, we still had this...


It's still not a deep, elegant, bloody burgundy color, but it'll get there eventually. We're thinking four coats might do it. Maybe. We hope.

Until next time, Ol' Painty Pants and I bid you a fond farewell.