The Goods.

So, you've got the back story, but let's face it... what you really want to see is the actual place, right?

Well, OK. Let's have a look. This is "The Serpico House" as you arrive at the driveway.




Pretty respectable and grown-up, right? Avy's pretty grown-up. Xavier's kind of respectable. I am neither of these things. Oh well, every neighborhood has one house that lowers the property values for everyone. I can't wait to litter that yard with car parts and an old refrigerator!

Kidding. I'm kidding. I will mow the lawn and trim the hedges like a good neighbor. Nobody will have any idea about the many depraved, low-class things happening behind closed doors at The Serpico House. Muahhahhahah... or something.

Let's walk in...




Yes, I see it. The corners of the steps need fixing. I'll get on it. I've already looked into the proper methods for repairing broken concrete steps, and I promise to get started as soon as possible. We haven't even signed the papers yet, OK? Sheesh.

Let's skip the front door (it's a door, ok?) and check out the living room.



As you can see, we used a wide-angle lens to capture as much of the room as possible, but I think you get the general idea here. The furniture may or may not be left behind when we take possession of the place. If it hangs around, we'll pick and choose, and then... hello, Craigslist. We are not too proud to make a few bucks online. Nope.

The carpets are as dismal and generally foul as they look, but we have reason to believe a nice hardwood lies beneath these gross, smelly things. And, yes, that's a real fireplace.... a gas fireplace with a remote control. Yep. I think that's gonna be pretty sweet once winter comes around, which, by the looks of things, is probably tomorrow. What happened to fall?


This is a view of the living room from a different angle. The fireplace would be behind you and to your left if you took this picture.. but you didn't take this picture, so stop taking credit for it. Oh yeah, those people in the picture? That'd be my dad (Bob) on the right and my mom (Shelly) on the left. That's the realtor in the middle, holding the toy truck. Just kidding. It's Xavier, the Smallest of Bears, leading the tour. He walked in there like he owned the joint from the very beginning. I think he knew something we didn't.

Right off the bat, I can tell you we are gonna try to sell that fugly mirror on the wall there. I'm pretty sure the owners aren't taking it. I will hope against hope that they will, but I doubt we will be so lucky.

Next, the dining room.



Pretty standard fare. More stinky carpet. I am, once again, hoping the furniture will be leaving, but, if it stays, I think Avy wants to keep the hutch thingy. Personally, I don't like those things, but she likes it, so... happy wife, happy life, right? I really hate the chandelier. I want that gone immediately... I'm thinking recessed lighting, or, if we can't do that, at least something that will sit closer to the ceiling. Call me odd if you want, but I don't like the idea of some big dangly wood and metal thing hanging from a chain over my head while I am eating. Oh yeah, you can't see it, but there's a bay window to the right. Pretty sweet.

Here comes a horror show. The kitchen.

Why, yes, that is, indeed, carpet. In the kitchen. What the hell? And... um.. yeah. A drop ceiling. And shiny wood paneling. And coral-colored counter tops. Don't ask me why the Serpicos wanted their kitchen to look like an office building crossed with a log cabin crossed with.. um.. something coral-colored, but it probably has something to do with sticking it to the man. Anyway... this is what we've got, so we're gonna see if we can make it work somehow. Avy says she will learn to tile. I say... YAY. Because I don't think I would be any good at tiling at all. And, yeah... you are seeing the washer and dryer at the end, there. On the plus side, everything in this room is absolutely immaculate, and we've been told that everything works perfectly. The Serpicos apparently took very good care of their things. I believe it. Aside from the rug being nasty, the place is immaculate.

There's a little half bath next to the kitchen...




Nothing earth-shattering... but there's frickin' carpet in there, too. Ugh. And I think we want to see about getting some different lighting, a different, non-medicine chest mirror and possibly a smaller sink. And ditching the carpet. So yeah, you know... not a lot of stuff to change here, right? Ugh.

But this is nice...



One thing Mrs. Serpico did correctly was build a nice patio and take care of her yard. She obviously loved the outdoors, and you really get the idea that she spent a lot of time out on this lovely little patio. The back yard is pretty large, and Xavier already loves it. He's only visited it twice, but he's checked out every corner already.

OK, we'll go upstairs tomorrow.